Singing in the rain. I’m singing in the rain. And it’s such a fucking glorious feeling. An unexpected downpour and I am just giving myself into it. Because what the fuck else can you do? Run for cover? Shriek and curse? No–when the rain falls you just let it fall and you grin like a madman and you dance with it because if you can make yourself happy in the rain, then you’re doing pretty alright in life.
Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.
Love is one kind of abstraction. And then there are those nights when I sleep alone, when I curl into a pillow that isn’t you, when I hear the tiptoe sounds that aren’t yours. It’s not as if I can conjure you up completely. I must embrace the idea of you instead.
You know what’s a great metaphor for love? Sleeping beauty. Because you have to plow through this incredible thicket of thorns in order to get to beauty, and even then, when you get there, you still have to wake her up.
Because he has been a major part of your life, of course you’ll miss him; it’s perfectly normal. It’s like getting a tooth pulled out; after the dentist pulls it out you’re relieved. But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just because it was hurting you does not mean you don’t notice it. It leaves a gap, and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take awhile, but it takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it’s going to hurt.
I feel my life is so scattered right now. Like it’s all these small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan. But talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely unscatter me, and I appreciate that so much.
sometimes it’s okay to cheat on things – but don’t ever cheat on people. because once you start, it’s very hard to stop. you find out how easy it is to do.
“I want you to spend the night,” you said. And it was definitely your phrasing that ensured it. If you had said, “Let’s have sex,” or “Let’s go to my place,” or even “I really want you,” I’m not sure we would have gone quite as far as we did. But I loved the notion that the night was mine to spend, and I immediately decided to spend it with you.
We are not taught “love thy neighbor unless their skin is a different color from yours ” or “love thy neighbor unless they don’t make money as you do” or “love thy neighbor unless they don’t share your belies.” We are taught “love thy neighbor”. No exceptions. We are all in this together – every single one of us. And the only way we are going to survive as a society is through compassion. A Great Community does not mean we all think the same things or do the same things. It simply means we are willing to work together and are willing to love despite our differences.
We found out a long time ago that we weren’t meant to fall in love with each other. But a part of me still fell in hope with him.
And maybe it is only by finding yourself that you can feel the true intensity of becoming close to another person.
Because that’s the thing about mean people: They make you think that the world will never work, that there are divides that you will fall into if you approach. It takes a whole lot of good people to fill in the breach created by a single mean one.
Maybe, it’s not the distance that’s the problem, but how you handle it.