I think the happiest people continually create their own options and choices, and I think the unhappiest people are the ones that feel unable to do that and so they are stuck in their situation. You have to practice being proactive about finding ways to make your life better, and you might have to make changes, even if you are scared. By practicing these two things, when a bad moment does come around, you will already have a reservoir of confidence that you can trust yourself to find and execute a way to make it better.
How to be (less) Awkward: If you are bringing a camera to an event, make sure to take pictures of everyone in the group–you want to make sure each person, even acquaintances, feels included.
The same way people don’t like to get a trim when they just really want to grow their hair long, sometimes people are slow to cut off bad romantic matches when they just really want a relationship. But a trim of things that aren’t working, whether it’s dead ends or go-nowhere match-ups, is usually the best thing for the overall health of your hair or your heart.
Life Tip: If you are sitting across from someone and they have something in their teeth but you don’t know how to tell them, quietly ask them at the end of the meal if you have something in your teeth. Most likely, they will respond, “no, do I?” and then you have an opening to discreetly tell them.
Life Tip: When a salesperson asks if you need help, she is trying to make your life easier. “No thanks, I’m just browsing for now” said with a smile is all you need to say if you are not interested in her help. If she persists, saying in a friendly voice “thanks, I’ll let you know if I need anything” will give her the hint that you’d like to shop privately.
How to be Smarter: The same rule to getting a tattoo applies to sending a harshly-worded text message: stop, take a moment to think about it, and decide if it’s really the impression you want someone to have of you forever.
Some Thoughts on Love
Before anything else we need self-love. Otherwise we won’t feel we have anything to offer others, and we will doubt the love offered to us.
It can be felt for people we have just met, or people we have known our whole lives. Not to say they are similar in nature, but you can love everyone you meet, even just a little.
We cannot survive with too little, we will starve for the affection. But in an ocean of love we lose ourselves, we tire and drown.
It can knock you down, and make you feel the worst you’ll ever feel. But at other times it can just as easily pick you up when you stumble and make you feel whole again.
It can be therapeutic and cleansing. When we love someone we give them a part of ourselves, we share the brightest parts of our soul with them. Whether for a few hours, or for decades, we become renewed.
Fear of losing love is perpetrated by the misconception that we are in some way alone in our experiences. Someone somewhere will always love you, and that is strength enough. Enough to forgive others, forgive yourself, and slowly start all over again.
Whenever I have a problem, I just sing. Then I realize my voice is worse than my problem. And move on.
Kahlil Gibran on sorrow and joy.
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see in truth that you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Your pain and sorrow is in retrospect often a gift. It makes you stronger. More empathic and understanding. It helps you out in some way and guides you. You can always look back it when you feel down and be happy that you aren’t in that place anymore.
And it’s often in the sorrow that we later on create our strengths. Many very fit people started on that path because they had hit a big low point health wise. And many great speakers or just very social people may have been being deathly shy at a young age. It’s to a large extent all that emotional leverage and all those painful emotions that at least initially give people a great motivation to change their lives in a radical way.
Your sorrow expands the spectrum of human experience, understanding and emotions for you. You become more grateful because of your sorrow. The sorrow carves deeper. And the deeper it carves, the more joy you will also be able to contain. The sad times make the happy times even sweeter.
These are PINS.